Good Saturday

A day at the beach did me good yesterday. There’s something very calming about watching the ocean. It was one of those not-so-commercialized beach, one which is not entirely packed by sweaty bodies and bikini babes. The guests were showing up with their wifes and children, their blond hair being swept away by the wind. Waitresses were circling around and handing out drinks, children laughing away throwing balls in the games stands and candy flosses and popcorns were offered at the side.

Despite the heavy rain, people’s mood weren’t much dampened. We all gathered around in the bar to enjoy lunch and everyone squeezed in to avoid the strong wind. It’s funny to see those big-muscles, otherwise-fierce-looking men seemed to mellow greatly when they were holding their children, like they would break if they held them too tightly. People really do change once they have kids, priorities are sorted out, what was important feels frivolous now.

Sushi, fried rice and noodles, teriyaki chicken and chicken wings were on the menu; beer, wine and soft drinks were available all around, of course. Music was blasting through the speaker, enough to get everyone in a light and outgoing mood, and just enough not to get them to move their arses as if this were a dance club.

After lunch, the rain miraculously stopped, and the weather soon became scorching hot. I must have had at least 5 glasses of fruit punch and 2 Ben and Jerry’s ice cream at that point. I’m definitely full and in such a state of a happy daze.

I can get used to this.

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I’m the worst tequila-hater ever!

Shame on me! Shame on me! Shame on me! SHAME ON ME!!!

I had tequila last night. Yeah, yeah, please ‘boo’ me, and feel free to throw me any kinds of objects! I really do have a bloody loads amount of self-control. Yeah.

Blame my friends. Well, no, don’t, bless them.

We were trying to get drinks at Butter Factory, and the queue was as long as The Great Wall. What should one do to get a drink around here, for goodness sake? After more than half an hour, we headed to Arena, but you know how the lychee martini there is like. Very much dilluted, pretty much tasted like syrup and extra sweetener. Are you sure this is martini, mate?

At this point my friend demanded shots of tequila. But I’m not anything if not thruthful to my own words! Suddenly having an Obama moment, I held up my hand, harden my face and said, “No, no, no! NO NO NO tequila! It’s a CHANGE we can believe in!”

I continued to babble on and on about how it took just a second to finish tequila and we wouldn’t have had the chance to savor it. So I insisted to just get a jug of vodka lime.

Know how long did it take for us to, supposedly savor it? Well, a few seconds, tops. Man, who are these people?! Looks like tigers which have just been released from their cages! Deprived of alcohol! Die, die, must finish!

So, as expected, the vodka did little to our systems, and by the time we reached Attica, we were still reciting poems and solving trigonometry.

So one friend looked at me, a triumphant look on her face. “WE SHOULD HAVE HAD TEQUILA TO BEGIN WITH!” I noticed a dissapointment glance too, as if saying, “Tina..I thought you knew what’s best for us..You’ve let me down…” And she marched to the bar and ordered five shots.

And that’s how I broke my own commitment I just made a day before.

After which, they started to sway from side to side, wink to cute guys in pink, bat their eyelids to the bartenders, and pout sexily when the camera flashed!

Man, man, man! The power of tequila!

Note to self

I can’t take tequila.

I can deal with vodka, martell and Jack Daniels, but give me a shot of tequila, and I’m out. Out, like the ’80s fashion.

I found the taste of tequila to be quite unbearable and hugely nauseating. I made a fatal mistake of having this little piece of jackass last time and I was completely wasted in the cab home. Puking up was this close, but vomitting inside the taxi might not be the smartest move. But nothing held me back at home. Suffice to say, as much as the thought of holding my hair up while I was puking is deeply appealing, feel grateful that you’re not around when it happened. Feel really, really grateful.

The next day I stayed home the whole time because my stomach felt like shit and the taste just simply wouldn’t go away. It was just around noon that I made a mental commitment to swear off tequila forever. No, really. No more tequila for eternity.

The First

Dear Keppel-tourist,

I saw it coming, long before it finally came full circle. It’s like waiting for the tide to crash, and instead of ducking, I wanted to embrace it as much as I could because I was a simple girl, eager to get the first sip of her wine. That’s a metaphore, by the way.

The day started like any other day. The sky wasn’t much bluer than usual, the wind wasn’t blowing for too strong, the air was crisp, and everybody else was pacing on normal speed, oblivious to the change that would soon happened to us. No lives were affected but ours, and we were pretty damn happy nonetheless. The minutes leading to this, no stars would allign up differently, and the world would remain unfaltering. Funny how hugely unconnected people’s lives are.

I was young, way too young, mentally naive and physically awkward. People say the most important time on a girl’s life is the wedding day, but what happens to those moments in between?

It wasn’t perfect and I could picture a zillion other scenarios in which it could have been perfect, yet it was priceless in its own way, despite its countless flaws. Just like you. I was mellow and foolishly melancholic, thinking that I was lucky beyond belief, and that any girls in my class would have died to exchange place with me, just at that moment.

And it happened exactly as I had imagined, and so in a way, it was perfect. The thought of it now is probably rather sickening but I struggled to find words to describe it any other way.

The sight of you was familiar and comforting. The way you focused your eyes on the road ahead and gripped the steering wheel with so much concentration. I couldn’t help having the urge to brush your cheek. Or just mutter something silly to make you laugh.

You held my hand so I wouldn’t get lost in the midst of the crowd and you didn’t know, but my heart jumped. I felt inadequate then, this tininess and cluelessness against the strong and independent. I tried to appear older, like I knew more than I did, like I have been to places I haven’t been, but you took one look and understood. I was emotionally buoyant, like I was in such a daze. You looked…light, happy.

It’s probably nothing now, and the object of my then-affection has taken a different direction but the memory would remain unchanged. Introducing the prospect of something new? Teaching me to be less selfish? Making me think for two? I don’t know if I can make it that dramatic.

You remind me how I was before. How trusting and emotionally innocent.

Do you know that?

But how much has exactly changed? After years of practising what you have started, I don’t think I’ve gotten any better. Mentally, fortunately or not, I’m still naive. It should take more than what he did to change that. And in a way, I’m proud of it. In retrospect, I think we turned out pretty good.

Warning

You remind me of an innocent boy, the shy one who sits at the back at the class, the boy who whispers instead of talking. No, but you’re not like that at all, you only look like it. In fact, you talk quite a lot, and it’s amusing. I have to really pay attention to what you’re saying ‘cos you have this very deep and intense voice, and I’m afraid I might miss it if I just look away. Not that I want to look away.

I wonder what you’re thinking. We seem to be acting in the exact same way, but I can never know what’s in your mind. Is it just a convenience because you need a company? At the time, it can’t possibly be it, but in the broad daylight, anything is possible.

Just a silent warning; I need to keep my guard up.

Mixed random stuffs

Once upon a time there was a girl who could tell right from wrong, and black from white. She had such an idealist perception that only little girls could posses these days, because apparently growing up somehow makes the line blurry, somehow she lost that line, and what’s lost can never be found.

She has to make some tough choices, irrational sometimes but they feel good. Is feeling good so unacceptable? She dares to follow through, to be a little more spontaneous, to enjoy life without analyzing it too much. Right or wrong, she’s not so sure, and sometimes she just doesn’t care.

Obviously people around her are bound to have different opinions. And they’re not holding anything back to tell it to her face. And after everything these people have been through with her, she didn’t think they would judge. Especially when they were doing the exact same thing, and she has never once muttered a judgmental remark, because people should do what makes them happy and as long as they don’t hurt others in the process, than that’s golden. She tries not to even silently judge. And it pissed her off when these acclaimed-self-righteous people did.

What’s low is that sometimes people have to bring others down just to make themselves feel better. But she tries to be more unaffected, albeit hard as she considers herself to be too emotional. Guess she just has to realize that some people simply don’t think. Don’t assume all are conscious.

She wishes she can just live her life and not care about what others think. That ‘I don’t give a rat’s ass’ attitude. How do we become adults, and how do we make it stop…

..and so it came to an end.

I successfully have finished my pris…eh, I mean, internship time!

Last Tuesday it was a day of many ‘lasts’. It was the last time I would have to wake up at 6.30 am, it was the last time I would make my way to Tanjong Pagar, sweating and panting halfway walking to the station (you wouldn’t believe how hot it could get at 8 freaking am!), it was the last time I would walk past Amoy Food Centre, it was the last time I would get inside my building and tap my card after nonchalantly glancing at gorgeous men from RMJM (their office unit’s just next to ours), it was the last time I would make my usual Milo drink for breakfast at the pantry, it was the last time I would sit in my desk, facing the super-scary-if-you-work-directly-with-her-but-nice-when-you-don’t Manager of Media, it was the last time I would work with my great colleagues and supervisors, oh the list goes on and on and I realize how dramatic I made everything sound.

But it’s true! Couldn’t help feeling rather sad about it, it truly was a great experience and everyone has been so nice and encouraging I couldn’t imagine being in a more friendly working environment. The account director even already prepared a recommendation letter before I had to request it and what’s written inside made me blush. It was such a glowing review that I had to wonder whether they actually have a template already and they just had to pluck in my name. Well, that’s not a good thought.

So since then, I suddenly have all this free time and I feel like I have to do something. It’s like having your routine disrupted. I still wake up early even though I don’t have to, and I miss the sense of importance, the picking-up calls and sending mails. Man, I’m such a dork.

Yeah, so work’s pretty much done and I’m leaving in 2 weeks roughly, wow.

Fortunately since yesterday I have been occupied with going out with friends and mate’s in town so Jap and I have been meeting him up a lot. Give it a few days and I’m sure I will be running out of things to do.

Vibees, will miss you guys.

So Cool.

Hi guys! Just a quick puke of update. I’m having exam tomorrow morning, now it’s past 1 freaking am and I still have absolutely zero mood to study. So zero that Coke can’t even beat me, gosh I’m in such a deep trouble.

I guess I really have to start eventually, like now! Yes, yes.

Today cool thing happened at work, well, two things, actually. First was, the managing director praised me, mwa-ha-ha-ha, who’s the man! Yo yo wassup! He was so impressed by me because quoted, the way I carry myself. Wooo! I somehow carry myself well in some cases, turns out I’m not always hopeless. That’s cool, yo, but after this I won’t be able to get through the door. At this rate my head is growing, I won’t even get off from this clothes!

And the other thing, since there’s only a few days left for me at work, I have to do a handout, well, basically a report on everything I have been working on during my 2-months stay in the company. Now I tried to embellish, but my command of english is not yet that excellent. I mean, I can’t make a frog sound attractive, yet.

I sent the report over to my sweet supervisor, and she revised the whole document and, man! Wait ’til you read that. If you were my future boss, you would be super impressed you would want me to marry you. No kidding. It’s true I did all those things, it’s just the way she put it sounds a gazzilion times better. Maybe next time if I feel more self-centered, I’ll post the report up. So that’s really, really cool. Cool, yo.

Okay, before I go, though, I just wanna share this with you. Check out this, yo, a Glamour interview with Jason Mulgrew. Been a fan, he’s one of the funniest blogger out there.

So, I better grab my textbook now, wish me luck for tomorrow’s exam!