Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
You know, I try so hard to please everyone, but in the process, I make myself unhappy.
I convinced myself that by making other people happy, I will be happy too. And sure, that works. But then, doesn’t that just mean that your happiness depend entirely on others?
What about my own happiness? One that comes from me?
I realized that it’s important that I am happy too. That I need to make me a priority too, instead of pushing my own needs at the back of the line behind everyone else’s.
I have to take control of my own life because no one else is gonna do the job.
And really, the one thing I can probably give the people around me is to be happy, fulfilled and satisfied as a daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend. This means, being myself 100%.
I want to be able to live my life truly and passionately. I want my work to be exciting, to really be something that I love doing, something that would make a difference – if not for others, at least for me.
I want to go to the library and read crazy amounts of books like I used to. I want to sit at home, writing creatively about anything and everything. I want to do a Star Wars marathon on DVD. There are plenty of things I have been procrastinating and pushed aside.
I want to be brave and be open to my feelings. Even when they are difficult.
I want to love freely, to just enjoy the ride, to live in the moment.
I used to be so positive and carefree – where did that girl go? Why am I constantly worrying and thinking too much? It’s really exhausting. I can’t spare that amount of energy on top of everything else.
I want to say to myself. Take a deep breath. Chill. Have more faith in you.
And then, work towards those things that can make you happy. Stop procrastinating.
I was constantly on the lookout. Even when I was with someone, somehow I managed to find excuses to break away because I wasn’t comfortable being in one place for a long time. I blamed it on my short-attention-span, but in the end it all boiled down to my own immaturity.
I don’t know how it started to change. Maybe when I got to know you, and realized that you’re different. Different how? I don’t know. I can’t really pinpoint it. You’re not just a person, see. You’re a whole kind of person. And without even trying, you keep me on my toes. In your own undramatic and ordinary way, you kicked the side of my head and woke me up from this faraway dreamland I was in.
And I tried to fight it at first. Because it was scary and unfamiliar. I convinced myself that nothing has really changed, and that I still had all the freedom in the world to do what the old me used to do. Play around, not take things seriously, walk away whenever my feet got cold or when things did not shake me to the core anymore.
But after a while, I was tired. Because it was tiring trying to fight it. It was tiring trying to pretend that I haven’t changed. That you didn’t matter.
And besides, why did I need to fight it? As out of this world this may have seemed, maybe it was time for me to grow up. And it was like, everything started to fall into place and I just let myself enjoy the ride. Although it was unpredictable, frustrating and confusing, the excitement and anticipation were so great that I kept telling myself to be patient.
Yes, patience. I used to jump into things too quickly, and see, without knowing it, you have taught me the lesson of being patient too. That good things come to those who wait.
And now, I couldn’t hope for anything better. And I have you to thank, for just being you, the unique and serious and funny and special you.
Even my sister said, “Sis, this is the most normal thing I’ve seen you do..since like, ever.”
So my colleagues and I had a great karaoke session yesterday after work. We try to squeeze in precious gathering time like this because we simply don’t have enough! Especially now that some of us have left the company, we try to catch up regularly to hang out and have fun. (read: talk about so-and-so.)
When I first joined the company, these were the people that greeted me and made me feel welcomed, and we’ve been good friends ever since. (especially during lunch time.) And we’ve been through a lot together! Now that most of them have moved on, the company is left with lots of new people that I can’t really connect with. I don’t really know why, but it just makes me feel even more grateful that I met these people here.
We used to joke and gossip during office hour and lunch time, and now we can only do it after work. Anyway, yesterday we worked half day and the four of us went out from office to meet our other two ex-colleagues for lunch and serious singing business. We all love karaoke!
I haven’t been out to karaoke for a while now, and even until 4 hours of singing, I wasn’t that much satisfied! At home, I told my sisters we ought to have our karaoke session soon!
Rachel is like an affectionate, really loving and kind big sister. To me, at least. Although I’m sure we’re probably at the same age. My favorite moment with her was, well, it’s hard to pick one. The most memorable one, I think, was when I had a really bad day at work, and I came back to my desk feeling dejected and angry. Everyone else has gone back home at this point, and I still stayed to finish up some stuffs. Rachel was just about to make her way out, and she popped by in my room (which was already empty) to make sure I was okay. I was feeling down, yeah, but until that point, I was fine, you know? I mean, everyone’s bound to have a bad day occasionally, right?
I said, yes, I’m fine. And she just looked at me with this real concern on her face, and she told me that everything’s gonna be okay, that she understood how I felt, and that we were in this together so I always had someone if I ever felt too sad. And this is still a mystery to me, but I just started sobbing uncontrollably. And Rachel started panicking, and giving me tissues and I just cried even more. “Don’t be sad! Don’t worry about work, don’t be too stressed out,” she said, thinking I cried because I felt really pressurized about work. I chuckled (in between sobs) and said, “No! I was fine. I cried because of you! Because you’re just so kind!”
I feel very embarrassed every time I remember that time, because bleh. I let everything get to me, and I hate crying in front of other people. Have you felt that, though? Have you ever just felt so touched and started crying because of human’s kindness? Yes, sure, I have, but I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such emotions when the kindness is directed to me, you know? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just all over the place that day. Anyway, that’s Rachel. She’s extremely caring and kind.
Seraph and Miu have been there ever since I joined the company, and they’re still there. Erika is our newbie, who just came in our little group since last month. She clicks really well with us too! And I got another Indonesian, at last. It’s about time, don’t you think? (Yeah, about time I have different facial expression than the usual dumb-clueless-oblivious-stoned-look I used to adapt in the middle of Chinese conversation)
While Rachel is like my big sister, Seraph is more like a friend to me, in the sense that we are more or less the same that we talk really well. Even in the company, we have the same roles, she’s the writer for the Chinese section, and I’m the English writer. So we help each other a lot, and we can understand each other’s stories and complaints. It’s like, we have each other’s backs. That’s one way to put it. I know! I’m lucky!
Eileen on the right, is probably the wisest, most mature and fun person to be with! She is the big sister for all of us because, I don’t know. I guess all of us just feel comfortable talking to her about anything. She’s a good listener and adviser, yet at the same time, she is as crazy and creative as anyone! Because she’s Singaporean, her English is better than the rest, which makes it easier for me to talk to her too.
She introduced me to the spicy chicken wings cafe in the middle of nowhere (which I loved!), and gave me the recipe for blueberry cheesecake. (which I tried, but failed in making.) She just knows loads of things, so we know where to go when we’re unsure about anything!
It’s such a fun evening! I enjoyed spending time with them, and I hope we’ll get to do this again soon with the rest of the people that couldn’t make it yesterday! We have a colleague from Myanmar who used to be in a band! How bad-ass is that! I already told him he should join us for the next singing session! Anyway, thanks guys and I love you all! 😉
Speaking of songs, here are my favorite tunes this week:
1. Old City – Saltwater Room
2. Snow Patrol – Crack The Shutters
3. Ben Folds ft Regina Spektor – You Don’t Know Me
4. Glee Cast – True Colors
5. Morcheeba – Enjoy The Ride
Good day, everyone!
Alright, so I know I’ve been lagging with this whole daily blog thing. But hey people! I have life! And job! And shits to do! Places to be! Kids to feed! So, mind the delay.
Last Wednesday my sisters and I and a couple of our friends showed up to check out this year’s Beerfest! Last year a friend of mine went to the event and I had intended to come along too. But I think there were some issues with the tickets, because a friend of my friend was the one ordering the tickets online, and I think I let him know a little too last minute for his friend to make some more added bookings. That’s why I was so excited to be able to come this year and see what it’s all about. My colleague mentioned she’s been there a few times over the years and thoroughly enjoyed it, so my sisters and I invited some of our friends to tag along.
Alright, to sum up the event. Obviously there were lots of beer. Lots and lots of beer. Those that I haven’t even heard the names of, those that was milked out of some statue of a cow, those that were displayed by scantily-clad girls (well, actually, most of them were), and well, wasn’t that the whole point of a Beerfest?
The place was huge! It consisted of many parts: one being the main area where all the beers were displayed and sold. There were outdoor areas with seats and benches for people to sit down and eat and drink. There were smoking areas with couches, displays of F1 cars on the side, those that we couldn’t really admire since we had to pass a grass side (which was wet due to the rain.) On the outdoor parts of the place, there were stands selling sausages, pork knuckles, meat, rojak and other unhealthy things you can think of.
Anyway, we didn’t take that many pictures that night. To be honest, although the event was fun, it wasn’t exactly like what I had expected. Still, I’m glad I went. As we made our way back, I was so sleepy! I had like, 4 or 5 glasses of beer altogether, I think. It made me feel slightly stuffy inside, and as much as I love beer, I just dislike the after-taste of it!
Alright! I gotta sleep ‘cos I have work tomorrow. More on that later. I have big news to share in the next post! Good night.
Let me start this entry by officially wishing a big happy birthday to Cous! He’s 28 now! It’s crazy! I almost couldn’t believe it when Sis mentioned that the next day would be his birthday, because it felt not too long ago that we celebrated his 27th birthday and surprised him with a birthday cake. I remember it vividly in my head still, and it’s amazing how a year has passed since.
This time around though, we wanted to do something a little bit more special, so Sis arranged us to have a birthday dinner at Kiseki Japanese Buffet Restaurant over at The Heeren. It was at the spot where Shokudo used to be, but I think they are still under the same management, because the whole feel of the place and even the food tasted somewhat similar with Shokudo.
Alright, so to rate the food, well, it was good. I got to have as many salmon sashimi I wanted! (Woooo!)The variety of dishes were quite diverse and yummy. There’s special snow crab for the dinner-goers and the dessert section was satisfying too! In short, it was great!
During dinner, we somehow got into some serious conversation about the World Cup, politics, and world peace. There’s something comforting about the randomness of it all, though. There’s only a few people in my life that I can actually talk to just about anything and everything.
Some pictures from the night:
My sis is so cute. When she saw this picture, she grinned at me sheepishly and said, “I like this photo! I look skinny because I’m standing next to a really fat person.” Haha!
It was late after we’re done with the dinner, so we dragged ourselves to catch the bus home. It was a good night! Happy birthday again, Cous!
So this week is exciting! On Monday, I met Meli after work for shopping spree in Bugis Street and awesome dinner at Nando’s! For some reason the whole day I started craving the peri-peri chicken and the last time I had it was when I went to KL with Sis. Just recently it opened a branch here in Singapore, so since we were going Bugis anyway, it would be a good time to let Meli try that too. Speaking of the shopping, we got some pretty good deals.
I bought a maxi dress, a top for Meli, and a black Aladdin-like pants. Seriously, it looked better on the mannequin (I’m simply not tall enough), but it was only 10 bucks! Might as well. I wore that to work the next day and everyone was saying it looked cute, but I have a feeling it’s just a nicer way of saying I looked dorky. I felt dorky. It’s just like, every time I come across a baby of a friend or someone I know, the automatic default reaction would be “so cute!” although this may not necessarily be true. Trust me, I’ve seen some ugly babies. But you can’t say that, can you? I mean, yeah, babies are cute in their own unique ways bla bla bla, we’re not talking about that, alright?
But I’m not gonna turn this into some “I Dislike Children” campaign, and it’s not even about that, okay? How could I go from wearing my Aladdin pants into anti-children discussion? Beats me.
Anyway, I had so much fun on the shopping spree, and it was already 8 plus by the time we were done. So we headed out to Nando’s, which was obviously packed and we had to queue for another 15-20 minutes before we got seats.
I ordered the signature 1/2 chicken with peri-peri chips and I tried some spiced rice for the side dish.
Actually this was the picture from the last time I was in Nando’s KL. Silly me! I think I was way too hungry at that time that I simply forgot to snap a picture! But you know, it looked something like that, ‘cos I think I ordered the same thing then too. The half chicken is definitely bigger than in the picture, though! My little sis and I were sharing it, and we asked the waiter whether 1/4 chicken will be enough for the two of us. And looking shocked as if we just asked him how he felt about uncircumcised men, he replied quickly, “Oh no!! It definitely won’t be enough!”
Oooooo-kay. So we got the half chicken and I almost couldn’t move after the meal! I was so full! Sometimes it is better to finish your meal and still feel like you can have dessert, rather than being completely stuffed and unable to move, don’t you think?
I bought the same portion for my sis and cous at home, and we headed back with our stomach stuffed, shopping bags full, and my wallet empty. Sounds like a good day!
Sunday is really a day to relax and unwind. And today I had the most awesome movie marathon with some DVDs I rented from the video store. In the afternoon, I saw “Everybody’s Fine” starring Robert DeNiro, Kate Beckinsale and Drew Barrymore. Let me just say first that I love drama, especially those about family. “Meet The Parents”, “The Family Stone”, and “Click” are just some on-top-of-my-head examples of the family movies I enjoyed tremendously. I mean, I guess it’s something that we can really relate to, ‘cos everyone has a family, right? It’s also always just very heartwarming and makes you feel either really good, or really sad.
You can’t go wrong with a cast like this, really. Robert DeNiro, just like Dustin Hoffman, I think, always make great father figures in movies. They are very believable and all the while the movie was playing, I couldn’t help thinking of my own dad and how much the character reminded me of him. The movie had some really sad and heartfelt scenes, and at the risk of sounding like a crybaby, I did sob my eyeballs out a few times.
It’s about a father with four grown-up children who lives at different parts of the US. He recently lost his wife, so he lives alone now and at one weekend, he’s trying to gather all four of his kids to his house for a meal. But they all cancelled at the last minute, so he decided to pay each one a surprise visit despite his health condition. Along the way, he discovered that his children aren’t as happy as he thought they are, in terms of marriage or career. Everyone keeps acting as if everything is fine because they don’t want to worry or disappoint him. But all he wants is just for his kids to be honest with him, and for them to be able to talk to him like they did with their mother. In the end, something terrible happened that brought them together as a family.
You know, I’m not a story teller for a reason. I’m crappy at explaining things! I can’t do it enough justice, so go ahead and see it for yourself. To me, it’s really good.
In the evening, I saw “Fantastic Mr. Fox”. Wow, I’m really impressed with the quirky and unusual animation, and it’s a really funny and entertaining movie. When it showed in the cinema, I wasn’t that much interested to see it because, I don’t know, I’ve seen the trailer and it didn’t really show me anything interesting, except for the animation. I had no idea what the story was all about. I guess it’s the same as “Up”, though? You can’t tell a single thing from the trailer but the movie turns out to be so brilliant.
I probably shouldn’t judge a book by its cover from now on! Speaking of George Clooney, I have yet to see “Up in the Air”, and I really, really want to see that! Did you guys see any good movies this weekend? I wanna hear about it.
Alright, it’s almost 11 pm now and I’m gonna read “Juliet, Naked” for a bit before going to bed. Another week of work ahead!
1. Bumped into an ex-classmate of mine whom I haven’t seen in more than a year! It was 8.45 in the morning, I was buying bubble tea, my early kick of sugar and I felt a poke on my shoulder and she was probably the least person I would expect to see! That was a pleasant surprise.
2. Had a nice day at work. Had lunch with my favorite colleagues.
3. Boss wasn’t around *ahem*
4. Knocked off the office on time and went back with my colleague and we blasted Eenie Meenie in the car throughout the journey! Haha..
5. Sis bought this amazing Padang food for dinner. And man, was it good. We ate while watching telly. Bliss!
6. Seeing these pictures from our last dinner with the colleagues 😉