No Promises

Maybe the problem isn’t the people; it’s the perception that things last forever, that whatever’s lost can be found, that we live in this ideal world where there are only heroes and no villains.

I don’t call myself an idealist, I know plans can go wrong, people can change, life goes on, and that’s that. But there are instances I thought I understood, minds I thought I could make sense of. I thought, there are such things as obligations even though it’s not written and there are no signatures needed.

I love ‘Before Sunrise’, there’s this bit of conversation between Jesse and Celine when they had dinner in the boat.

Celine: Now let’s just be rational adults about this. We, maybe we should try something different. I mean, it’s not so bad if tonight’s our only night, right? People exchange phone’s number, addresses, they end up writing once, calling each other once or twice…

Jesse: Right. Fizzles out. Yeah, I mean, I don’t want that. I hate that.

Celine: I hate that too, you know.

Jesse: Why do you think everybody thinks relationships are supposed to last forever?

Celine: Yeah, why. It’s stupid.

Jesse: Well, alright. Let’s do it. No delusions, no projections. We’ll just make tonight great.

Celine: Okay, let’s do that.

There’s something really sad about the movie, especially if you see the second one. At least the first one’s a lot more hopeful.

But it’s realistic. What’s today movies are telling us now? Say, Sex and The City? That friendship lasts forever? That you can have it all? I don’t know why I mentioned that movie, really, just the first thing which popped into my mind. Well, you get the gist.

I don’t know, sometimes there’s absolutely nothing you can explain. It just…happens. And for once I have neither the energy nor the enthuasiasm to question it. But, you know what? I would like to keep believing that such thing is possible.

I am bitter in many ways, but quite a hopeless idealist in others.

I’ve learnt to appreciate things more, and it would be foolish to expect everyone to do the same. And yes, you don’t owe me anything technically, so why would you bother, right? Why should you stay? Right.

It’s easier to see people as passing characters, knowing that they might be here one day and gone the next. I can’t think like that yet, though. I’m way too emotional, I have too much baggage.

So stupidly, I probably will continue to think that there’s more to you. But either way, know that it’s okay. Priority changes, I get it.